{"id":7,"date":"2021-01-04T08:15:00","date_gmt":"2021-01-04T08:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/?p=7"},"modified":"2021-01-04T09:38:17","modified_gmt":"2021-01-04T09:38:17","slug":"7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/?p=7","title":{"rendered":"KEND\u0130N\u0130 Y\u00d6NET"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

KEND\u0130N\u0130 Y\u00d6NET<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7aresizdi. B\u00fct\u00fcn hayalleri y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir y\u0131l \u00f6nce kaybetti\u011fi e\u015finin ard\u0131ndan geriye sadece severek yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 sahafl\u0131k kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u0130l\u00e7enin tek sahaf\u0131yd\u0131 ama \u00e7ok kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6ylenemezdi. Karn\u0131n\u0131 doyurabilecek kadar kazan\u0131yordu. Babas\u0131ndan kalma kul\u00fcbe gibi bir evde kal\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7aresizdi… B\u00fct\u00fcn hayalleri y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00c7aresizdi \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc d\u00fckkan\u0131 ve derme \u00e7atma evi  elinden al\u0131n\u0131yordu. Halbuki ne hayaller kurmu\u015ftu. Evini, d\u00fckkan\u0131n\u0131 restore edip kitap \u00e7e\u015fidini artt\u0131racak; daha profesyonel bir sahaf olacakt\u0131. Nerden bilebilirdi ki arsalar\u0131n  as\u0131l sahibinin y\u0131llar \u00f6nce i\u015f i\u00e7in Almanya\u2019ya gidip bug\u00fcne kadar gelmeyen birine ait oldu\u011funu\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00fcleyman; i\u00e7ine kapan\u0131k, fazla konu\u015fmayan birisidir. Pazar g\u00fcnleri hari\u00e7 di\u011fer g\u00fcnler d\u00fczenli olarak d\u00fckkan\u0131n\u0131  her sabah yedide a\u00e7\u0131p ak\u015fam ezan\u0131yla birlikte kapat\u0131r, hi\u00e7bir yere u\u011framadan evine ge\u00e7erdi. Kendisine kalsa hi\u00e7 evlenmezdi. Akrabalar\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in esnaf\u0131n bulup yard\u0131m etmesiyle evlenmi\u015fti Zeynep\u2019le. Hayattaki tek arkada\u015f\u0131 da O\u2019ydu zaten. Zeynep kansere yenik d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp hayata g\u00f6zlerini yumduktan sonra S\u00fcleyman iyice kapatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kendisini. \u00dcst\u00fcne bir de evinin, d\u00fckkan\u0131n\u0131n elinden gitmesi eklenince d\u00fcnyas\u0131 tamamen kararm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ak\u015fam ezan\u0131 okunuyordu. S\u00fcleyman\u2019\u0131n son g\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc d\u00fckkanda. Ve son gecesi olacakt\u0131 evinde. D\u00fckkan\u0131 kapatmak i\u00e7in ayaklan\u0131r gibi oldu ama vazge\u00e7ti. Zaten ne fark ederdi ki.. \u0130kisi de gitmi\u015fti elinden. Dibi g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7aresizdi. B\u00fct\u00fcn hayalleri y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hayat ac\u0131mas\u0131zca \u015famar\u0131n\u0131 vurmu\u015ftu. \u0130nan\u00e7l\u0131 birisiydi ama zihnindeki sorular s\u00fcrekli inanc\u0131n\u0131 sorgulay\u0131p duruyordu\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kara kara d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken birden saate bakt\u0131. Gece yar\u0131s\u0131 olmu\u015ftu. Apar topar aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131. Ceketini giyip d\u00fckkan\u0131 kapatarak evin yolunu tuttu. Eve geldi\u011finde di\u011fer g\u00fcnlerden daha fazla yorgun hissediyordu kendini. Bu sefer a\u011f\u0131r gelmi\u015fti hayat y\u00fck\u00fc. Ceketini giri\u015fteki ask\u0131ya ast\u0131. Geceliklerini bile giymeden yata\u011fa at\u0131verdi kendini\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde tozlanm\u0131\u015f bir kitap duruyordu. S\u00f6n\u00fck \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131yla oday\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan eski bir masa lambas\u0131ndan ba\u015fka hayat belirtisi yoktu odada. S\u00fcleyman i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu duruma bir anlam veremiyor, istemsiz bir \u015fekilde masadaki kitaba do\u011fru yakla\u015f\u0131yordu. Kalp at\u0131\u015flar\u0131 o kadar h\u0131zlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki kalbi yerinden f\u0131rlayacak gibi gibiydi. Kitab\u0131n kapa\u011f\u0131ndaki yaz\u0131y\u0131 okumu\u015f, gecenin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na inat ruhu, bedeni, akl\u0131 yaz\u0131n\u0131n etkisiyle g\u00fcnd\u00fcz gibi ayd\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. G\u00fcnd\u00fcz ne kelime g\u00fcne\u015f gibi olmu\u015ftu. Zihnindeki b\u00fct\u00fcn belirsizlikler kaybolmu\u015f, ge\u00e7mi\u015fe ait olumsuz ne varsa da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bedenine apayr\u0131 bir enerji dolmu\u015f; her h\u00fccresi o yaz\u0131y\u0131 hayk\u0131r\u0131yor, her nefesi buhar olup u\u00e7arken o yaz\u0131n\u0131n sil\u00fceti g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu. Hem zaman ge\u00e7mek bilmiyor hem de y\u0131llar film \u015feridi gibi g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcnde ge\u00e7iyordu. Tekrar tekrar okudu yaz\u0131y\u0131. Be\u015f, on, y\u00fcz ka\u00e7 defa okudu bilmiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Kendini y\u00f6net, d\u00fcnyay\u0131 y\u00f6netecek g\u00fcc\u00fc bulursun.\u2019 Eflatun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kap\u0131 \u0131srarla \u00e7al\u0131yordu. S\u00fcleyman irkilerek yata\u011f\u0131ndan do\u011fruldu. Kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131nda arsalar\u0131n sahibini g\u00f6rd\u00fc. \u00d6\u011flene kadar evi ve d\u00fckkan\u0131 bo\u015faltmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini \u00f6\u011fleden sonra i\u015f makinalar\u0131n\u0131n gelip y\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu. S\u00fcleyman tatl\u0131 bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyle ask\u0131daki ceketini al\u0131p \u2018\u015eimdi ba\u015flayabilirsin\u2019 diyerek soka\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 arsa sahibinin \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131na ald\u0131r\u0131\u015f etmeden. Yolda kimi g\u00f6rse selam veriyor, hal hat\u0131r soruyordu. S\u00fcrekli g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor, kendisindeki bu de\u011fi\u015fimin \u00e7evresine nas\u0131l bir etki b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131na bakarak sessizce \u2018Kontrol Bende\u2019 diye hayk\u0131r\u0131yordu.,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tam be\u015f y\u0131l ge\u00e7mi\u015fti aradan. S\u00fcleyman\u2019\u0131n i\u015fleri bir hayli d\u00fczelmi\u015fti. Bir sahaf d\u00fckkan\u0131 ve \u00e7evre il\u00e7elerde sekiz \u015fubesi vard\u0131. D\u00fckkanlar\u0131n hepsinin ad\u0131 ayn\u0131yd\u0131: \u2018EFLATUN\u2019. D\u00fckkanlar\u0131n giri\u015finde r\u00fcyas\u0131nda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc kitab\u0131n kapa\u011f\u0131ndaki yaz\u0131 yaz\u0131yordu:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Kendi y\u00f6net, d\u00fcnyay\u0131 y\u00f6netecek g\u00fcc\u00fc bulursun.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00fcleyman art\u0131k \u00e7aresiz de\u011fildi. Y\u0131k\u0131lan hayallerini tekrar in\u015fa edip eyleme d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Ev ev dola\u015farak \u00e7ok ucuza ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 eski kitaplar\u0131 yol kenarlar\u0131nda bir bezin \u00fcst\u00fcne koyarak satmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f, Ge\u00e7en be\u015f y\u0131l\u0131n ard\u0131ndan bu seviyeye gelmi\u015fti. Art\u0131k \u015fundan emindi:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Hayat kendini y\u00f6netebilen insanlar i\u00e7in basit bir oyundan ibarettir.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HALDEN ANLAR<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\n
\n
\"A\u00e7\u0131klama:<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

KEND\u0130N\u0130 Y\u00d6NET \u00c7aresizdi. B\u00fct\u00fcn hayalleri y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir y\u0131l \u00f6nce kaybetti\u011fi e\u015finin ard\u0131ndan geriye sadece severek yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 sahafl\u0131k kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u0130l\u00e7enin tek sahaf\u0131yd\u0131 ama \u00e7ok kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6ylenemezdi. Karn\u0131n\u0131 doyurabilecek kadar kazan\u0131yordu. Babas\u0131ndan kalma kul\u00fcbe gibi bir evde kal\u0131yordu. \u00c7aresizdi… B\u00fct\u00fcn hayalleri y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00c7aresizdi \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc d\u00fckkan\u0131 ve derme \u00e7atma evi  elinden al\u0131n\u0131yordu. Halbuki ne hayaller kurmu\u015ftu. Evini, d\u00fckkan\u0131n\u0131…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions\/12"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.haldenanlar.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}